credit: nydailynews.com

I had a fascinating conversation with a student at our school yesterday afternoon.  She is openly gay (which is no surprise among women in the field of aircraft maintenance), and easily speaks of her girlfriend, their horses, and the fact that she is from Mayberry, NC.  (No kidding — that Mayberry.  The Mayberry.)  I like to think she feels comfortable talking to me because I don’t have much intolerance in me and try to practice general sensitivity to others’ feelings on a regular basis.  In reality, she probably talks to me because I’m generally affable, and we are both good conversationalists.  (You can be one, too.) It’s strange that what dominates your mind during a conversation can be the furthest thing from someone else’s.  

Anyway, she and I often have easy conversations about the world’s happenings and peoples’ attitudes, and she surprised me today with one of her own.

In the midst of our discussion, she said, “That’s why I don’t like the gays.”

I don’t stammer much during conversations, generally, but I was trying to find a way to diplomatically say, “But uh…you’re gay, right?”  All I could muster up was a chuckle and, “Ahhh….okay….?”

She went on to explain that she doesn’t go to the Pride parade, she doesn’t make out with her girlfriend in public, she doesn’t do this and that…she told me, “My only goal when I wake up is to go to work, come home, and take care of my family.  Some people don’t understand that just because you’re gay, not everyone wants it thrown in their faces.  So I try to respect their feelings like I expect them to respect mine.”  

I told her jokingly that she was a new hero of mine.  People like her are few and far between, it seems.  I think there’s a lot of truth to what she says there, and it’s refreshing to know that there are people out there who understand that every action has a reaction.  If a gay man rides in the Pride parade down the street on a unicycle wearing nothing but a banana hammock and covered in rainbow paint, and people laugh at him, it doesn’t mean they are discriminating against someone whose goal is obviously to be seen in public flying their freak flag.  I wish we weren’t so quick to point the finger of discrimination in this country, but I also wish we’d be a little more cognizant that we exist together in the same environment.  Each of our actions affects many, many others’.

In the meantime, I want you to keep in mind after reading this that for every cause you support, someone supports the opposite cause.  Sure, we’ll have recurring national debates about things like the Defense Of Marriage Act and Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (borne out of irrational fear, if you ask me), but we need to — as a society — start treating each other with a little more respect.  And that includes those in the LGBT, feminist, and NAACP-type communities who are constantly pulling the fire alarm when there’s no fire.  Respect the feelings of the people next to you, the people you work with, the people you spend your time with.  Be careful of the things you say to those around you (as this guy needs to learn), and actually give some thought and evidence to the causes you choose to become an activist for (as I have).  Learn to support them thoroughly, but also learn to keep from becoming combative or militant because the delivery method of your message will become lost.  People want to “stumble upon” your message on their own, and will actively avoid your cause for no other reason than because it is human nature to defy someone who forces them to listen to or do something.  

After all, you’ll always catch more bees with honey than vinegar.

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As always, I appreciate you having taken the time to read this.  Without you, I’d have no reason to write!  Have a great week!