“So You Finally Bought A House…Time To Fill It Up, Eh?”

Let me start off by saying that I don’t begrudge anyone who has kids or Grandkids.  I imagine that your kids are just as wonderful as you’d hoped they’d be, and have changed your life for the better in all of the ways that every glowing parent tells you they will.  Expectation

But why is it socially acceptable for people I barely to know to be asking me the question — nay, placing the expectation on me — that I mentioned in the title line?

I am surrounded by a large group of people who love and support me, and I welcome the question of kids (or other life choices) from them.  At 33 years old, it’s a fair question for my Tribe to ask, wondering what our plans are for the future.  After all, I am the oldest of three, and the only one without any kids yet.  Yes, eventually we hope to have two or three little ones running around.

The reason we haven’t yet is that we’ve carefully calculated the parameters we need in place to comfortably integrate a new member into our family.  We want to be stable, both financially and in our marriage.  We want to learn from our siblings and friends about the pitfalls and costs (like the simple cost of having your kid…apparently it often runs between two and five thousand dollars even if you have insurance).  We want to learn about close calls (like when my niece and nephew both almost pulled tall furniture over on themselves — who knew that a four foot tall, heavy armoir could be brought over by just 30 or 40 pounds?).  These things are really important to us, and part of the reason we’ve waited is that it’s been beneficial to get our ducks in a row first.

There’s something inherently annoying about someone I am not close with assuming that my new job is to fill the house up with kids.  It’s not my job to have kids, it’s my job to be a productive member of society and to provide well for my family.

I suppose all that was to say to watch how you approach folks when you hear their tidbits of news, and be careful not to impose your expectations on them.  Nobody likes unsolicited advice, right?

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  1. Having my son is hands-down the best thing I’ve ever done besides marrying my wife. But that certainly doesn’t give me the right to pry into a stranger’s affairs and ask when he/she is going to start having kids. It’s nobody’s business. It’s just as bad as when a single female friend in her early thirties told me that some of her employees keep asking her, “Aren’t you going to get married?” Comments like that are insulting, rude, and, frankly, no one else’s business. Good for you and your wife for doing things on your own terms!

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