In Communicado

Hey All!  I hope that your weekend has been relaxing, and your upcoming week will be moving along splendidly.  Mine is shaping up to be interesting, to say the least.  Lately, I have been back in the rhythm of learning and doing new things on a fairly regular basis, and it feels fantastic!

One end for talking, the other for LISTENING.

This week, I got an email from Chris Brogan like I usually do on Sunday mornings, and its focus was on something that I continually strive to be better at:  Communication.  You may remember that I shamelessly plugged Chris’ company (Human Business Works) once before, and as before, I am not being paid in any fashion to promote his products.  The guy just puts amazing content into my email box for free, and I wanted you to know.  This is an example of great stuff spreading by word of mouth.

This morning’s newsletter talked about communication in a very interesting way.  Actually, the message of this morning’s “discussion,” as it were, was more along the lines of, “If you share/repost/reblog someone’s stuff, give them credit for it because it’s the awesome thing to do,” but here’s what I took from it:

This guy  puts some great content on Twitter (a site I rarely use to post 147 characters of useless information about my lunch), and Chris linked to it.  I clicked, and found something really interesting–which is the focus of my own message today.

As I read down the list of his Ten Commandments Of Conversation, I couldn’t help but nod my head.  I cannot tell you how many folks I come across whose ultimate goal is to convince me of a particular political idea, or complain about something, or dream out loud about things they may or may not ever do, or tell me every last detail of the way their first love ended, even if it was twenty years ago.  I used to think that everyone found what I had to say interesting, until I began to realize that if I’m talking to someone and thinking about other things, they must have been thinking that about some of the things I was saying to them.  In fact, I’ll never forget once when I was in college, I was catching up with my brother one night on the phone, and he cut me off with a, “Dude, get to the point.”

The truth is that when you communicate with someone, it would be helpful to imagine that you can only communicate your message to that person in writing.  Can you imagine how long a rant of yours would take to literally write out on a piece of paper?  You wouldn’t bother.  You’ll sit there and ponder for a second what your message really is, so that you can get it down on paper in (something close to) the least amount of words it will take you to.  Speak as if you were writing, and you will train yourself to hone the message you are trying to convey down to the simplest, most essential points.

You may feel it, but resist it. Smile the whole time. It goes a looooong way!

Combine this technique with the other Commandments (by using your one mouth half as much as your two ears) and people will walk away from a conversation with you with fond memories in their head, and not even give it a thought as to why.  I’ve had people talk “at” me for upwards of 45 minutes, and the entire time, I am the one coaching the conversation along.  I’ll ask pointed questions, get them to tell me about the things that matter most to them–family, home life, pets, jobs, egos, goals, how they’re getting ahead…I’m telling you, some of these folks greet me very fondly on a regular basis, and they don’t know hardly a thing about me.  Why?  For no other reason than they haven’t taken the time to ask.

It feels great when someone wants to know things about you, doesn’t it?  Well, if your goal is to help those around you to be more comfortable in your presence, just ask questionsand actually listen to the answers.  Remember them for future reference.  In fact, if you really want to get crazy with it, you can do what Bill Clinton (one of the best networkers of our time) did and keep track of those you meet.  It doesn’t even matter if this person bores you to no end–if their only interaction with you induces happy chemicals in their head, they will remember you fondly when they get promoted from newbie desk jockey to branch manager.  Whether you know it or not, you guide every person, every day into the place in your life that you want them.  If you want to get ahead, guide those people into a place that makes them feel great about you.  The rest will work itself out.

The point is that everyone you meet is judging you.  Your face, your body, your clothes, your breath, your skills…they are making judgments on every single little signal that comes through when you communicate with them.  Your job is to convince them that you are worth every second of their time (and you are.)  It’s ironic that the easiest way to do that is to get them talking about themselves, but ignore the irony and focus on the fact that it works.  You’ll be happy that you did.

So…who’s got troubles with those around you?  Caustic people?  The guy with terrible breath?  The guy/gal who wears things to work that no one has any business wearing to work?  The person who dominates every conversation?  The condescending/micromanaging/unconfident/overly-involved-in-your-personal-life/lackadaisical boss?  If you’d like an opinion on how to handle certain people, I’m sure anyone reading here will be happy to help.  We only want the best for you, so if you need a hand with a certain situation, feel free to comment here.  The advice may (or may not) be backed up by PhD graduates, but either way, it’s free!

Here’s to a great week!

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  1. September 11th, 2013

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